


Calm The Storm In My Head

by CactiPhan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort, Domestic, Established Relationship, Horror game, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Medication, Smut, medical scare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 05:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17037506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CactiPhan/pseuds/CactiPhan
Summary: Daniel suffers from severe Anxiety, but Phil is there to help Dan every step of the way on his journey back to becoming happier. (happy ending)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, I'm glad to be here and not that other hell hole. here's my favourite chaptered fic now on here.

October was always Dan and Phil favourite month. The scent of overpriced Pumpkin spice latte’s from Starbucks gives the month a homely smell. although, One of their favourite parts is Spooky Week on the gaming Channel! They’ve filmed lots of video games, but, they decided to film one last bonus video because Phil insisted they played ‘Until Dawn’.

“i-I’m not sure about this one, Phil, it looks a little… scarier than the Shrek game?…” Dan asks, looking at the reviews for the game.

“we’ve played worse, I don’t think this game will be much scarier than the others”

“Okay fine, let’s do it” Dan sighs, booting up the game.

Phil introduces the video and makes a stupid pun for the viewers, and just like that, they’re playing.

“where the fuck do I g- shit! SHIT! SHIT FUCK!” Dan screams as he tries to move the character away from the demon looking creature. He makes it into another room and closes the door. He sighs in relief.

“d-do you think we’re safe?” Phil asks, holding his hands over his mouth, scared as well.

“probably not since there’s a fucking demon behind the door!” Dan yells, still playing and moving the character away.

“what’s that sound?” Phil asks the game makes crawling footstep sounds above them. Dan quickly runs them into another room and closes the door behind them. The footsteps stop.

“i-i think it’s gone?” Dan asks, staying still for a few seconds, then moving further into the room.

“what room is this even?” Dan questions, looking at the items in the small room.

“I think its a laundry” Phil giggles, Dan laughs and looks around some more.

“this doesn’t seem too interesting, let’s go to another roo- OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Dan screams at the top of his lungs, right behind him was the creature and the most terrifying pop up come up on the screen. Dan ends up falling off the chair again, scrambling to sit up.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Phil screams too, and suddenly the game turns to black and the computer turns off.

“are you alright?!” Phil asks, looking down at Dan. But Dan doesn’t move, his eyes are wide open and he’s heaving for air.

“d-Dan?” Phil asks again, softer. Dan quickly gets up off the floor and runs out of the gaming room, leaving Phil behind.

Dan quickly runs for their room, jumping under the coverers and curling up in a ball, his body trembles as his mind races. He’s never been this scared before about anything, especially not a horror game.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice calls out through the apartment. Dan doesn’t respond, worried his voice will break or that any horrifying creature will find him before Phil does. His mind clouds over with awful thoughts and panic rushes through his veins. He feels paralysed, frozen, cold, alone.

“d-Dan? Are you okay? What happened in there, you fell off your chair, did you hurt yourself?” Phil asks softly, sitting on the bed next to the lump under the sheets. Dan doesn’t reply, his breathing still heavy and thick, he felt like he’s suffocating. Phil soon realises what’s happening, and he feels guilty for not recognising a panic attack sooner.

“Oh, bear…” Phil slips under the covers with Dan, looking at his shaking body and softly wrapping his arms around his body.

“this is all my fault, I shouldn’t have made us play that game… I’m so sorry bear, I really am” Phil holds Dan close in his arms, protecting him with warmth and comfort.

“i-I’ve never been this s-s-scared” Dan’s voice breaks, barely a squeak leaves his lips. Phil holds Dan tighter and keeps him as close as he can.

“I promise nothing is going to hurt you. I love you so much, I’d never let anything hurt you. That game isn’t real, that monster doesn’t exist, we’re in a security locked apartment, nothing can get in without us knowing and I’m sure nothing ever will.” Phil tries to calm Dan down. Dan rolls over to face Phil, his eyes red and watering, tears spilling down his face and his body still shaking. When he sees Phil’s face, he feels a little calmer.

“b-but it’s not just that, Phil” Dan stutters, his pleading eyes looking into Phil’s blue concerned ones. “ I f-feel so much m-more anxious… i-i feel… useless, l-like I have no p-Purpose since t-the tour ended…” Dan explains, breaking down more and more.

“I know, honey. but of course, you have a purpose… you’re my business partner, my best friend, 9-year boyfriend and the only person I absolutely adore, and that’s a big purpose to have. Even if we’re not on tour, we still have the purpose to bring joy to all out fans, and they love us even if we aren’t touring currently. I know you’re anxious, playing that game pushed you over the edge and that’s all my fault. but, we will work on it, together. I’ll help you every step of the way, I promise” Phil whispers, gently moving Dan’s curls from out of his eyes. Dan takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around Phil’s body too.

“i-i love you so much, Phil… thank you” Dan whispers back, pressing a kiss to Phil’s cheek and hugging him tightly. They lay like that for a few more minutes, letting Dan calm down and come back to a good state of mind.

“would you like a sweet cup of tea?” Phil asks gently. Dan nods and lets go of Phil so they can sit up.

“put anything you want to watch on the tv and I’ll be back in a second” Phil kisses Dan’s cheek back and leaves the bed, heading out into the kitchen to turn the kettle on. Dan turns the tv on and flicks over to Netflix, scrolling the selection and lands on a new episode of The Good Place.

Just as Phil promised he comes back to the room with 2 cups of tea, turning off all the lights on the way and closing their bedroom door. He hands Dan his cup of tea and gets in the bed again, allowing Dan to snuggle up to him.

“thank you Phil” Dan thanks, taking a small sip of the tea. He notices it’s their favourite and tastes perfect.

“i-i thought we ran out of Earl Grey?” Dan asks. Phil chuckles and takes a sip too.

“I went out and got some today, I know how much you like it” Phil smiles. “The Good Place? Sounds good, we need to catch up with Jameela again soon. tell her how much we love the show” Phil notices the tv, Dan presses play on the new episode and they sit and watch whilst drinking their teas until the cups are empty and Dan becomes sleepy.

“tired?” Phil asks, patting Dan’s head and running his fingers through his hair. Dan nods, his head resting on Phil’s chest, listening to his breathing and his heartbeat, falling asleep to the rhythmic thumps. Once Phil knows dan’s asleep, he turns off the dimmed lights on the switch next to their bed and continues watching the episode till he falls asleep as well.


	2. Chapter 2

“Do you really have to go?” Dan asks again, walking Phil to the door with his backpack and a small suitcase.

“I kinda have to. It’s my brothers birthday. I’ll be home in two days, if I can come back any sooner I swear I will. I love you very much, please call me if anything happens” Phil softly kisses Dan’s lips and unlocks the front door.

“I will. Safe trip, say hello to the family for me” Dan waves, Phil smiles softly walking down to the taxi waiting outside. He hands his suitcase over as the driver packs it in the trunk. But instead of Phil getting in the taxi, he runs back up to Dan and kisses him one last time for good measure.

“I love you” he whispers. Dan says the same back and watches him walk back to the taxi, get in and drive off. Dan waves as the taxi drives down the street and out of sight. Dan takes a deep breath and walks back inside, locking the door behind him and heading back up their lonely and quiet apartment. Dan shivers as he stands still, listening to the door lock behind him, and how there’s no other sound. It scares Dan.

Dan leaves all of the lights on in the house as it got darker and the sunset over the city. He felt unsafe and vulnerable without Phil, and its day’s like these where a cuddle in bed would be a good remedy. But Phil isn’t in London, he’s back in Manchester with his family. he has to remind himself before he calls out for Phil.

To take his mind off of his crippling loneliness, he runs himself a bath with whatever bubble bath and bath bomb they had in the cupboard and watching Riverdale on his laptop. It was going nicely for about half an hour until,

The lights suddenly turn off in the bathroom. Dan breath catches in his throat and he starts quivering, turning into shaking when his laptop is the only light in the room. Dan quickly steps out of the bath and dries himself off with his fluffy towel and changes into his pyjamas. He picks his phone up off the bathroom counter and turns his torch onto full brightness, slowly creaking the door open and noticing the whole house is in pitch black. He gulps and slams the door shut.

Just in case he was delusional, he tries the lights again, flicking the switch a couple times. nothing.

“holy shit, holy shit..” Dan starts panicking, his breathing picking up and his heartbeat rising significantly.

Knowing Phil, Dan opens every drawer and cupboard in the bathroom and finding every scented candle in there as he could, and a black lighter. Dan picks up one of the 3 candles and attempts to ignite the flame, but it won’t work.

“Oh come on! Please!” Dan begs the lighter, but it wouldn’t work. Dan starts to cry when he remembers there was a box of matches somewhere in there as well. He sorts through boxes upon boxes of random shampoos and deodorants they had until, at the very back, there was a half-empty box of matches. He sighs in relief and pulls one of the sticks out, striking it against the box and getting a flame. Swiftly, he lights every candle and it barely illuminates the room, but it’s enough. His laptop happening to die just then, making the situation much worse.

Once the candles were burning, Dan slides down the back of the door and sits on the tiled floor. He opens his contacts and clicks on Phil’s name, pressing call and holing his phone up to his ear, waiting for it to ring but it never does.

‘Hi, you’ve called Phil, sorry I can’t come to the ph-‘

Dan knows this must mean Phil’s either out of signal or his phones dead. fuck.

He groans a shaky breath of annoyance and calls again, and again, and again until.

Ring Ring, Ring Ring-

“Dan?” The comforting deep voice asks from the other end.

“Oh thank god, P-Phil, Phil I’m freaking out, i-i’m scared” Dan splatters on, tears running down his cheeks and dampening his t-shirt.

“what’s wrong? What happened, please breathe, okay? breathe~” Phil asks, calming Dan a little. Dan takes a deep breath and sighs.

“a-all the lights in the h-house t-turned off… the p-powers out… a-and I’m s-so scared, i-i’m panicking,” Dan stutters, his voice squeaky and broken.

“Oh, fuck, uh-“ Phil pauses for a moment to think. “okay, okay, please just stay calm, I’ll grab a train home right now, did you want me to call someone to come over and keep you company till I get there?” Phil asks, his voice sounding very concerned and protective. Dan squeaks out a small “Please”

“Okay, I’ll be home in about 3 hours depending on how fast the train is. I’ll call Lou and hope she’s free. stay calm, I swear you’re safe. I love you-“ and before Phil can finish, Dan’s phone dies. Dan lets out a shaky breath and cries into his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs and holding himself tight. 

Within 20 minutes, there’s a timid rhythmic knock on the front door, it resonates through the whole empty house.

“Dan, honey? It’s Louise, Phil told me it’s an emergency” Louise soft voice follows. Dan stands up and picks up one of the candles, shakily opening the bathroom door slowly before looking around the dark apartment before swiftly rushing to the front door and looking through the door hole to make sure it was her. Of course, it is her. Her blonde hair and pink cardigan could be spotted anywhere, even in an extremely dimly lit hallway.

Dan quickly unlocks the door and opens it to be met with a concerned and worried looking Louise.

“Oh, Dan…” she coo’s wrapping her arms around Dan and hugging him tightly. Dan hugs back tighter. Louise is like the sister Dan never had. she knows everything about him and he knows everything about her, the gross and embarrassing, or the most splendid memories.

“a-all the power went out” Dan sniffles into her shoulder. She softly pats his back and leads him to the lounge and sits him down on the couch.

“Phil told me over the phone, it’s really weird…” Louise mentions, putting the candle down for Dan.

“t-there are more candles in the bathroom, i-i got really scared..” Dan explains. Louise looks back towards where the bathroom is and spots the warm glow of a flame. She nods and drapes a blanket over Dan’s back and walks over to the candles and bring them to the coffee table.

“let me get some more for you so it’s a little brighter” Louise looks around the room and spots a shelf of candles, their random collection. “unfortunately the room will smell like a candle shop for a while…”

She picks up another 5 and lights them with the flame from the already lit candles, then sits down next to Dan on the couch and hugs him to keep him company. She can tell he’s still freaking out.

“did your phone die?” She asks suddenly. Dan nods little and watches her reach into her handbag, pulling out a portable charger.

“its got full power should keep your phone alive for a bit” she smiles, handing the block to Dan.

“thank you, Lou, you’re very thoughtful” Dan thanks her, pulling his phone out of his pocket and plugging it in, watching it show the charging symbol on the black screen.

“you haven’t seen any pictures of Pearl and Darcy in a while, haven’t you?” Louise asks, opening her own phone and opening her photos. Dan watches as she clicks on a folder of the littles. The most recent picture of pearl melts Dan’s heart.

“s-shes has grown so much,” Dan says, astonished and most importantly, calming down.

2 hours pass pretty quickly with Louise until she gets a phone call from her nanny, and the nanny sounds pretty distressed. After Louise hangs up, she turns to Dan and sighs.

“Dan, I’m so, so sorry but Darcy has accidentally hurt her hand and it might be broken. I’m going to have to rush her to the ER as soon as I get home. Did you want to come with me or wait for Phil?” She asks, a little panicked herself now. Dan plays with his thumbs and bites his lip softly, thinking.

“i-I’m sure Phil won’t be far off now… thank you for coming to keep me company, I really appreciate it” Dan thanks her, giving Louise one last hug.

“I’m seriously so sorry I have to leave you-“

“don’t worry, I completely understand, go make sure Darcy is alright and tell her I said hello,” Dan says, walking her to the door. She checks to see if she has everything before opening the door and stepping out.  
“Alright, love you dal, message me if anything happens!” She says, waving behind her as she heads down the stairs and rushes out. Dan barely gets to say goodbye before the door closes with the wind. He sighs and locks the front door again and feels loneliness rush in once more.

Slowly, Dan’s let’s let out beneath him and he sinks to the floor in a pile with the blanket still draped over him. He lays on the cold floor, tears running down his face instantly as he starts to crumble again.

“Thank you” Phil hands the money over to the taxi driver quickly and drags his bags up to the front door, unlocking it and pulling the bags up the stairs to their apartment door. He searches for the key blindly before finally finding the right one and unlocking the door as fast as he could.

“Dan I’m here-“ Phil starts to call out but soon notices the ball on the floor in front of him.

“Oh, bear…” Phil coos, dropping to his knees beside Dan and wrapping his arms around his quivering body and holding him close. Dan sobs into his chest and holds him back tighter than ever.

“w-wheres Lou?” Phil looks around the apartment as he pulls Dan into his lap.

“Darcy-“ Dan sniffles, taking a breather to catch his breath “s-she hurt her hand, s-so Lou had to l-leave. S-she left 10 minutes ago, I panicked again-” Dan explains, moving his head into the nook of Phil’s neck. Phil presses kisses to Dan’s head and keeps him close.

“I’m here, it’s okay, I’m not leaving” Phil comforts Dan until his sobs turn into tiny whimpers and sniffles.

“come on” Phil pulls himself up from the floor and helps Dan up to his feet “lets get you cozy in bed and I’ll figure out if there’s any way to get the electricity back on” Phil slowly leads Dan through the dark house to their bedroom, pulling back the sheets for Dan and making him comfortable.

“got your phone?” Phil asks. Dan nods and pulls it out of his pocket. Phil turns the torch on his phone and Dan does the same to lighten the room.

“I’ll be back in a minute, I’m going to check the fuse box outside and see if that changes anything” Phil explains, kissing Dan’s forehead. Dan nods and watches Phil walk back towards the door. He takes a quick detour to blow out the candles in the lounge before he heads back outside.

Dan sits and waits, looking at the time on his phone. It reads 11:25 pm and his battery is only on 43%.

Suddenly, all of the lights in the house turn back on and every electronic device in the house powers up again, making Dan jump a little at the suddenness, but never the less, he’s glad there is light again.

Soon enough, Phil comes back into the apartment, finally dragging his bags inside and locking the door properly before heading back to the bedroom to Dan, turning every light in the house off.

“there is light” he chuckles, kicking his shoes off and climbing in bed with Dan. “how are you feeling?”

“bad..” Dan mumbles.

“why? What’s up?” Phil asks, letting Dan get closer so they were cuddling.

“i-i made you do a 3-hour train ride home at night because I was s-scared. I-i’m an awful person..” Dan starts to cry again but Phil lifts his chin so their faces met.

“Hey, hey, listen to me” Phil stops Dan from letting any tears drip from his eyes. “ I love you so much, of course, I’d travel 3 hours for you, id travel to the moon and back if I had to, all for you. You are the world to me and besides, id rather spend tonight with you anyway. You know how lonely it is in that ugly green bedroom?” Phil softly kisses Dan’s lips and keeps his warm arms wrapped around Dan’s body.

“I’m still sorry-“

“no apologising, you don’t need to. Now come on, lets sleep” Phil reaches over for the light switch and turns the bedroom light off. “I love you Phil” Dan yawns, pressing a kiss to Phil’s lips. Dan cozy’s up into Phil more and feels safe.

“love you more, bear.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning! this chapter contains smut at the beginning and leads into a medical scare. nothing bad happens but maybe skip this chapter if you're uncomfortable because it's mentioned in the next chapter.

“Oh god, Phil” Dan moans softly, his back pressed into the mattress and his head in the pillows. Phil smirks down at the boy below and kisses him passionately, their naked bodies grinding together slowly.

“you’re gorgeous” Phil says breathlessly, reaching for the lube on the bedside table.

Dan doesn’t pay attention, suddenly feeling a little dizzy and out of it, but he could care less since he’s getting dick, and good dick at that.

“are you alright?” Phil asks. Dan realises that Phil is talking to him, he nods and hums a quick “yeah” before Phil continues to prep them both.

Phil does the normal routine, stretching thoroughly and pumping with so much lube It was excessive, before lining up and slowly pressing in at a painfully slow rate. Both boys sigh out moans into each other’s mouths, pressing messy kisses on each other’s lips and gripping at each others hair and bodies. Phil thrusts in at a reasonable speed and grips ahold of Dan’s hips.

“o-oh yeah, right there” Dan moans, gripping onto Phil’s shoulders tightly as Phil speeds up a little, hitting his prostate dead on and making his body tingle with pleasure.

“good?” Phil chuckles, a cheeky grin on his face.

“of course it is you dork” Dan giggles, letting Phil keep his pace and start to bring himself to orgasm.

Dan tries to focus on the pleasure, and how good Phil feels inside him. But before long, he feels spacey, like, he was floating out of his body and he couldn’t stop it from happening. without warning, His eyes roll back into his head, but not from pleasure at all. Phil realises something is up when Dan suddenly lets go of his shoulders and stops moving completely.

“Dan?” He asks, waiting for a response but gets nothing from him.

“Dan? Bear, did you fall asleep?…” He asks, softly poking Dan’s cheek playfully. nothing. That’s when the panic sets in for him. He quickly pulls out of Dan’s hole and checks his pulse. Thank god he has one.

“what the fuck, oh my god, uh, Dan? Dan, wake up, p-please tell me this is a sick joke” Phil holds Dan’s body up and checks his breathing. He seems fine, but this is definitely out of the ordinary for Dan to suddenly pass out, especially during sex.

“fuck, fuck, fuck-“ Phil reaches for his phone and begins to dial 999, Dan still in his arms as he cradles the passed out boy, hoping he’d just wake up and everything would be fine. He holds his phone up to his ear and listens to the ringing then hearing the operator on the other end.

“I-i need a paramedic or something, I don’t know- uh, m-my boyfriend passed out whilst we were having sex- I don’t know what’s wrong his eyes rolled back into his head and he’s not moving. -yes I checked his pulse and his breathing, he seems fine but he just won’t respond and I don’t know what to do!- Our address is 28 Holland Park, North London ” Phil speaks into the phone, panicking whilst he pulls pyjama pants onto Dan’s legs and some on himself.

“Sir an ambulance has been dispatched and will be there shortly”

Before too long, there’s a knock on the front door. Phil gets up and rushes towards the door whilst throwing a t-shirt on. He opens the door and lets the paramedics in, showing them to Dan’s lifeless body on the bed.

“Alright, can you please explain what happened?” One of the paramedics asks, the other checking his heartbeat.

“w-we were having sex, and his eyes suddenly rolled back in his head, he let go of me and went completely limp… he’s been like this the entire time” Phil explains, feeling awkward for having to explain that again but he knows he has to. He runs his hand through his messy hair, still very much stressed.

“is sex new for you both? was he acting weird beforehand?” The paramedic asks, jotting some notes down on a notepad.

“w-we’ve been having sex since 2009, its nowhere near new for us- b-but he did seem a little off today, he was really irritated because of his new medication” Phil looks over at Dan’s still limp body.

“Medication? What medication has he been taking?” The paramedic asks, looking much more concerned than before.

“l-let me go get it, I can’t remember the name,” Phil says, quickly getting up and rushing to the kitchen, sorting through their medication basket and pulling out Dan’s new perception. He comes back to the bedroom and hands the box over to them. The paramedics look at it and read the back.

“Oh, yeah, I know this stuff, it’s for anxiety, yeah? He’s only taken one so far. Was… Daniel, just put onto this perception recently?” They ask, reading Dan’s name off the label on the box. Phil nods.

“yes just yesterday, they didn’t tell us any side effects so if this is one of them, we had no clue” Phil explains. The paramedic hums and inspects the box a little more.

“his doctor should have explained this to you. Yes, this type of medication when taken for the first time usually causes dizziness and on the rare occasion, completely passing out. You did a great job of looking after him though, I must admit” they say, checking Dan’s blood pressure and temperature, and especially his eyes. Everything comes back as good.

“he should wake up shortly, everything seems to be fine but just, lay off the sex for a while” they light-heartedly joke. Phil chuckles and sighs, looking back at Dan again after they’ve packed up.  
“give him thirty to fifty minutes, he should wake up by then. Give him some water and a hug and he should be alright. But I’d also recommend going back to your doctor and explaining what happened so they can keep that on track if it ” Phil walks them to the door and nods.

“I’ll be sure to do that. Thank you very much, I really appreciate it” Phil says, opening the door for them.

“we’re just doing our jobs. I hope you have a good evening” they wave goodbye and head back into the ambulance, driving away.

Phil locks the door and sighs. A weight lifted off his chest, knowing Dan will be okay. He gets Dan a fresh glass of water and leaves it beside him on the bedside table and lays next to him, intertwining their fingers as he holds Dan’s hand, waiting for him to wake up.

It feels like hours, but it’s more like 40 minutes when a soft whimper comes from the boy beside him. Phil’s heart skips a beat. He starts sitting up and staring down at the messy haired boy who’s starting to move and wake up.

“B-Bear?” Phil asks softly. Dan groans quietly and flutters his eyes open, looking up at the relieved-looking Phil.

“w-what’s wrong?” Dan asks, his voice squeaky. Phil doesn’t respond, only wrapping his arms around Dan’s body tightly and breathing deeply.

“you passed out, for over an hour- I was so worried Dan” Phil whispers, tears spilling from his clenched eyes.

“i-i did? I-i’m so sorry Phil i-i don’t know w-why I did” Dan mumbles, hugging Phil back.

“I do. Your new medication, it’s what caused it. I called an ambulance but the paramedics explained everything to me about your new perception. Your doctor didn’t tell you the side effects. Passing out is one of them- i-i was just so worried about you, Bear. So worried, but it’s not your fault” Phil presses soft kisses to Dan’s cheek and wipes his eyes from the small tears.

“i-i had no idea… b-but I think I’m okay now” Dan mumbles, letting Phil lay back in the bed and curling up into his chest.

“I’m glad. But…” Phil begins. Dan looks up confused “the paramedics said to lay off the sex” Phil grins. Dan gasps and playfully hits Phil.

“I can’t believe you told them we were fucking!” Dan groans in embarrassment, but they both start giggling.

“what did you want me to say? That I was screwing you into the mattress? Or does love making sound more appropriate?” Phil laughs

“Shut up” Dan whispers, pinching Phil’s arm. Phil makes a small yelp but continues to laugh.

“yeah yeah, you love me”

“Yeah, you’re right, asshole.” They both laugh hysterically, laying together on the bed in each other’s arms.

“but seriously I’m so glad you’re okay” Phil whispers, softly kissing Dan’s lips.

“I’m glad I am too. Thank you for looking after me. I love you” Dan kisses him back, nuzzling his head into Phil’s neck and holding him close.

“love you too bear, but come on, let’s get you some food. Domino’s Half and Half with Ranch?” Phil asks,

“You know me so well” Dan giggles, pressing one last kiss to Phil’s lips and grinning.


	4. Chapter 4

After the whole ordeal from last week, Phil has been forcing Dan to take it easy so he wouldn’t end up passing out again. But after a week, Dan gets tired of being useless and begins to reply to a few emails to their management and to the IRL company about new merchandise for the stores.

“How’s it going?” Phil asks, handing Dan a glass of Ribena, that he gladly takes.

“not too bad, I only have like 15 more emails to reply to” Dan gulps down half the glass quickly before putting it down on the coffee table. Phil sighs and sits down next to Dan with his own laptop and opening the emails he has to reply to as well.

Phil is able to reply to all his emails within half an hour.

It takes Dan Two days. And by day two, Phil notices how Dan’s eyes are red from staring at a screen and the dark circles from the lack of sleep. He has to put an end to this nonsense and bring Dan back out of that dark hole he’s fallen into.

Phil storms into the bedroom at around 8 pm, looking at the droopy boy and sighing.

“Dan, get off your bloody laptop,” Phil says pulling the computer from his lap and slapping it shut. Dan looks up, a confused look across his face.

“i-i was almost finished-“ Dan insists, reaching out for the laptop. Phil walks out of the room and back down the hall to the lounge with it and listens to the soft groan from the bedroom and pitter patter of feet against the hardwood floor.

“Phil can I please have it-“ Dan passes when he reaches the lounge, noticing the fairy lights set up on the balcony and the picnic blanket “-back” Dan finishes his sentence. Phil smirks snuggly, placing the laptop on the couch.

“what’s that?” Dan asks, walking out on the balcony and noticing all the items. There is a bottle of good wine with two glasses, some crackers and dips and most importantly, a selection of sushi laced neatly on a platter with chopsticks.

“you’re stressing yourself out again. You need a break” Phil comes up behind Dan and wraps his arms around his waist.

They both sit down on the pillows and a picnic blanket, Phil opening the bottle of wine and pouring them both a reasonable glass.

“does sushi and wine go together?..” Dan asks, Phil just laughs.

“not sure, we’ll just have to find out” he hands Dan his favourite clear chopsticks with cherry blossom petals set inside before they start to dig in, sharing and cuddling close together as they just enjoy their company.

Once they had finished the sushi, they snacked on the dips and crackers, having another glass of wine and softly chatting when they felt like it was needed.

“this was nice” Dan smiles, pressing a kiss to Phil’s cheek. Phil smiles back.

“but I better get back to work, I shouldn’t have stopped I probably lost where I was at-“ Phil rolls his eyes and presses his lips against Dan’s firmly.

“p-Phil I have to write the emails-“ Dan attempt to say between the lustful kisses.

“shush” Phil whispers back, “I’ll do them for you. Just enjoy the moment, alright? Just us, no emails. us.” Phil softly pushes Dan backwards so his back was against the ground and his head resting on one of the many pillows. Phil climbs atop the flustered boy and presses more kisses along his lips and neck.

“y-you’ll write the emails f-for me?” Dan stutters, feeling high from the feeling of lust and the 2 glasses of wine.

“of course, just relax. You’re overworking yourself again and I’d rather see your pretty hazel eyes looking into mine, instead of looking at that computer screen constantly” Phil pushes Dan’s hair from his eyes and smiles fondly. Dan blushes and smiles too.

“y-yeah?” Dan stutters, making Phil chuckle. 

 

“Yeah,” Phil replies, reattaching their lips and kissing him deeply, passion growing stronger with every soft movement. And at that moment, nothing else mattered to Dan, his head was clear and only focused on the one most important thing in his life, Phil.


	5. Chapter 5

It’s been a tough couple of months, but Dan has made such a big improvement with his mental health, and Phil couldn’t be prouder of him. He’s made such a big effort to keep on track with meditating and talking to his therapist, and especially staying calm and Phil can’t help but smile because his boyfriend his happy.

Phil is currently waiting outside the therapist’s office to see how much Dan has improved over the last 5 months- but Phil doesn’t need to see a piece of paper telling him Dan has become happier, he has seen it every single day and knows genuinely Dan has gotten better mentally.

“Phil?” The Therapist comes out of the office, leaving Dan in the room to pack up his bag.

“yes?” Phil answers. The therapist sits down in front of him in another chair, thankfully there are no other people in the room to hear this conversation.

“I have asked Daniel If he wanted me to share with you his monthly summary, and he said yes. Did you want to see it?” The therapist asks, pulling out a sheet of paper with highlighter scribbled on it and some handwritten notes.

“of course” Phil replies. The therapist hands Phil the paper and he starts reading.

October/November- Daniel’s anxiety has peaked, says he’s scared a lot of the Time when he’s away from his boyfriend (Phil) and cries when he’s alone, by himself. Daniel will be starting his anxiety prescription.

December- Daniel says his medication caused him to pass out and wasn’t told of side effects- He will be continuing the medication, cautiously. Suggested to take up meditation, and recommended the Headspace app.

January- Daniel claims the medication has been working much better over the last month, and that he has started meditation and gotten back into yoga. Christmas has apparently made him much more cheerful due to seeing his family and being closer to his boyfriend (Phil).

February- Significant improvement, Daniel says he’s been much happier, going on day trips down to the beach with boyfriend (Phil) has made him enjoy going outside and looks forward to future trips down there. Randomly Mentioned getting a dog—

Phil chuckles at the last part. Dan has been talking about getting a dog for as long as Phil has, but he has been more interested recently. It’s definitely on the to-do list.

March- Daniel has finished his medication, great improvement and seems to be coping better with his anxiety. His mood is definitely raised by more trips to the beach and is proud for keeping his 120-day streak on the Headspace app. He says he owes it to his boyfriend (Phil) for being by his side the entire time.

Phil smiles softly at the note about him.

“he’s done well, Phil. You’ve been a huge help to him, you can tell by the notes. I don’t think he would have been able to improve if it weren’t for your love support. I thank you on Daniels behalf” the therapist says. Phil nods and hands the notes back. Finally, Dan emerges from the other room smiling at Phil.

“thank you again doctor Cameron,” Dan says, shaking the therapist’s hand. Phil does too.

“it was my pleasure if you ever need to see me again- and I hope that’s no time soon- but in case you do, you know where to contact me. I’ll see you boys around” he says. They wave as they leave and head out into the sunny streets.

“where to?” Dan asks, his cheerful attitude radiating off of him, making Phil smile and laugh.

“I think we should do a small beach trip, what do you think?” Phil smirks playfully. Dan giggles and nods, eager to go.

“Alright, let’s get to the train station. Hopefully, it won’t be busy on a Thursday afternoon” Phil says, leading Dan down towards where the local underground was located.

They head inside and wait on an uncomfortable metal bench for the train to arrive. Soon enough, the train pulls up to the platform and they head inside the empty carriage when the doors open. They sit in the back corner where no one would be able to see them if they even came into the train, but it looks as though that wouldn’t be happening.

The ride is slow but relaxing, with Dan and Phil sharing a pair of headphones and listening to their Spotify playlist and some sneaky hand holding between their close bodies out of habit. They always feel as though they have to hide, or someone would end up outing them and they’d never be able to hide their personal life again. They’d forever be known as the couple that was able to conceal their relationship for 10 years, barely.

but, the one thing that’s been on Phil’s mind recently, and he knows Dan has mentioned it before is- why the fuck do they even try to hide it anymore? Majority of their subscribers ship them together anyway, there’s a chance they’d lose a chunk of viewers if they did reveal their relationship- but who cares? It’s not about the views or the money, it’s about them. It’s about who they are and how much they love each other.

That’s why Phil hopes he doesn’t regret what he’s going to do today.

Finally, after about an hour, the train arrives at the beach view station and they jump off the train. The smell of Saltwater and ocean has become familiar to them over the past few months. They’ve probably travelled down there 20 to 30 times within the last 3 months. It’s their relaxing place, where they never get noticed by the locals and are able to pretend they’re ordinary people for once.

They walk down and out of the station, swiping their oyster cards as they leave and head across the empty street and down the weathered staircase down to the rocky sand. Dan runs across the sand and down to the waterline, looking across the dark ocean, the soft waves crashing right before they meet his shoes.

“think you’ll get in today? It’s good weather for it, I’m surprised no one is down here today” Phil points out, looking around as he pulls out a towel from his backpack.

“only if you come in with me, loser!” Dan laughs, kicking his shoes off and keeping them with their bags and towel. Phil sighs and kicks his shoes off as well. He leaves their phones in their bags but makes sure he has the little red velvet box in his back pocket. They both roll their pants up to their knees before Phil chases Dan into the cool water. Dan screams when Phil splashes him with water and gets them both wet.

“it’s fine I bought a spare change of clothes” Phil chuckles, flicking water at Dan. Dan gasps and laughs, kicking Phil with more water and drenching him. Phil’s response is to slam into Dan’s body, bringing them both down completely in the water.

It’s almost like one of those dramatic movies, with everything around them floating in slow motion. As their heads are under the water, Phil moves their heads together and softly presses their lips together. Dan feels like he was drowning but he wasn’t. well, not yet. They quickly remembered that breathing oxygen wasn’t just a preference and quickly float back to the surface heaving for air and choking on a little bit of the sea water.

“bad idea” Phil chuckles and lets out a small cough, looking at the soaking wet haired Dan in front of him, Phil bets he looks no better as he pushes his wet hair out of his own eyes. Dan nods, shaking his head to get the water out of his hair.

“not the best you’ve had, but I enjoyed it” Dan smiles softly and pants. Phil softly wraps his arms around Dan’s waist and pulls them closer slowly. He smoothly slips their lips together again and lovingly kisses dan harder than before.

“I’m so proud of you, you know?” Phil asks, moving away from Dan’s lips. Dan looks up into Phil’s eyes innocently and shakes his head no.

“well, I am. I’m so proud of you for being able to work on your mental health and your anxiety. you’re happier than ever and I’m so happy that you are. I love you so much, Dan. You’re the bestest friend I’ve ever had and the most beautiful partner I could ever ask for… So I have to ask you” Phil pulls away from Dan a little more, reaching into his back pocket and pulling the now wet red box out and getting down onto one knee in the water. Dan doesn’t understand what’s happening at first but once he notices the box, tears start pouring from his eyes.

“Dan, you’re the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life and I want you to know how much I adore you, I’ll always stay by your side because you mean so much to me.” Phil starts crying too.

“Will you marry me?” He asks, opening the box and revealing the beautiful diamond ring. Dan smiles with the tears still running down his pink cheeks. He’s lost for words but he knows what he has to say.

“Yes, Yes! You absolute idiot, yes!” Dan sobs happy tears. Phil lets out a teary-eyed grin and pulls the ring out of the box and slips the ring onto his ring finger before standing up and kissing Dan passionately. Dan’s hands holding Phil’s face as Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you” Dan whispers, smiling with tears still pouring from his eyes.

“me too. you’re the love of my life. I promise to always calm the storm in your head. I love you”

“I’ll always love you too, Phil”

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and that you look forward to more of my work! Xx, C.P


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